Prayer and Forgiveness

Spiritual direction by correspondence has a long and revered history. Some of the great spiritual classics are the collection of such letters: Brother Lawrence’s The Practice of the Presence of God, the writings of François Fénelon, The Cloud of Unknowing, and you may have your favorite. While correspondence lacks the immediacy, responsiveness and interpersonal connection of face to face holy conversation, it tends to be more reflectively formulated and is portable, reproducible and can be shared with others. In this era of the internet, I have seen an assortment of articles and opinions about extending the spiritual correspondence tradition to e-mail. While e-mail spiritual correspondence can be reproduced and shared, I wonder if it will be as reflective as paper correspondence, since clicking off a reply is so easy? I have recently had occasion for some e-mail spiritual correspondence that covered distances and relationships that probably wouldn’t have happened with paper correspondence. As I looked back on it, I realized that I was covering some material I have frequently addressed face to face, and that perhaps making it more widely available would benefit others too. Though it developed over time in the give and take of correspondence, I have synthesized and edited to make self-contained essays, from which I hope I have removed anything that might be identifying or embarrassing to those with whom I had the original correspondence, should they ever read it. However, I certainly don't consider this is the same league with the spiritual classics, only inspired by the written form.


Prayer and forgiveness raise two very important questions. I suspect some struggle and pain can come when these two are deeply intertwined and yet in tension.

We know that Jesus forgave those who crucified him (Luke 23:34), but that may be a standard beyond our reach. In fact, following the examples of the great saints who forgave their persecutors is more than we are able to do. One of the reasons we wrestle with forgiveness is that we tend to think that it somehow absolves the guilt of the one who committed the wrong. But that kind of forgiveness is only in God's hands. When we forgive someone who has injured us, we are the ones who benefit. It frees us from carrying around and being inflicted with the pain over and over again. It many ways, forgiveness is a releasing of the other person to God, for God to deal with.

Once we give up trying to forgive and acknowledge to ourselves and to God that we are unable to forgive, we can relinquish both the person and the pain to God. This is what Ephesians 4:32 is getting at when it says, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you." Forgiveness is one of those things that the harder you try the less successful you are, but by letting go, you discover that Christ works the forgiveness in and through you. Whether it ever does anything for the other person, it points you in the direction of wholeness.

From very ancient times Christians have prayed what is called "The Jesus Prayer." It is based on Luke 18:13 and goes like this, "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner." It is repeated over and over, letting the mercy of Christ soak into our hearts and souls. It is a prayer that can be repeated when you know you have not been what you want to be. It is a prayer you can use when you start to think you are doing pretty well. It is a prayer you can you when you are in trouble. And it is a prayer you can use when you don't feel particularly forgiving of someone else, and as you call on Christ's mercy for yourself, you become open to extending it to even someone who has hurt you.