Uncomfortable Psalms on the 19th of the Month

I am sure I am not alone in deriving considerable comfort from Psalms 19 and 139. Even their invitations to examen seems gentle and welcoming.

 “Who can detect their errors? Clear me from hidden faults. … Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” (19:12,14)

 “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (139:23-24)

 When I come to these on the 19^th of each month, I tend to linger there and move past Psalms 49, 79, and 109 more quickly, telling myself I have covered them without engaging with them. Today my Psalm prayers were delayed until after taking my father-in-law to the hospital for a CT scan in preparation for (hopefully easy) skin cancer surgery in December. Perhaps by being nudged out of my routine, or perhaps because all of 2020 has jolted all of us out of our comfortable routines, these less comfortable lines evoked prayers of probing deeper into the heart of God than I am accustomed to. I didn’t receive an incisive prophetic word to proclaim. Rather, I offer them as windows that invite us to look past the conventional into the realm in which the Spirit intercedes with groans too deep for words. (Romans 8:26)

 I encourage you to take some time with the totality of each of these Psalms, perhaps enticed by these unsettling lines.

 “Why should I fear in times of trouble, when the iniquity of my persecutors surrounds me, those who trust in their wealth and boast of the abundance of their riches?” (49:5-6)

 “Do not remember against us the iniquities of our ancestors; let your compassion come speedily to meet us, for we are brought very low.” (79:8)

 “For I am poor and needy, and my heart is pierced within me. I am gone like a shadow at evening. … May my accusers be clothed with dishonor; may they be wrapped in their own shame as in a mantle.” (109:22-23, 29)

 

 

Something wicked this way comes

For many years I have used the Lord’s Prayer (The Our Father) to prompt my morning prayers. This morning when I came to “deliver us from evil” (which can legitimately be rendered “the evil one” legitimately referring to either the devil or an evil human person), I sensed echoes of these lines from Macbeth Act IV Scene I.

 

By the pricking of my thumbs,

Something wicked this way comes.

            Open locks,

            Whoever knocks!

 

Then Macbeth enters.

 

I am not going to attach any particular meaning to this other than the odd workings of my mind.

Time to Curl Up on God's Lap

In light of the conjunction of so much uncertainty and confusion these days, I found these lines from the first and last of my Psalm prayers this morning helpful prompts for my chat with God.

Q: If the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?

A: The Lord is in his holy temple; the Lord's throne is in heaven.

(11:3-4) The implication is not that the Lord's temple and throne are distant but are accessible. God is engaged with our human anxieties.

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up, my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; my soul is like the weaned child that is with me.

(131:1-2) When troubling thoughts churn in my mind, I know I have raised my sight too high and need the humility to curl up on God's lap as a child with a nurturing mother. I know Van Gogh did not do this drawing (Sien With Child on Her Lap) with that in mind, but I often use it for a focus icon for my centering prayer when I need the peace of God's lap. I will be there later today, as I often am on the 11th of each month.