For
very long time I have included the Prayer of St. Francis in my daily contemplative
rhythm and drawn on it as a reference point in my relationships. I can’t,
however, claim even close to the consistency I aspire to with living it.
A
while ago I was discussing this with my spiritual director specifically in
terms of my role as caregiver for my wife and her father. Those are not
particularly conflictual relationships, but with her Alzheimer’s and his moving
from his own home in Minnesota to a senior living residence near our home in
Wisconsin, the Prayer of St. Francis has informed my efforts to be a source of
peace for them in their situations. The quarantine from the COVID-19 pandemic
has brought new challenges as she misses the social interaction that buoyed her
spirits each week, and not only is he isolated, I cannot be with him to tend to
his basic personal needs as I had been doing. Nevertheless, I do believe my daily encounters
with this prayer help keep me focused on my call to be God’s instrument of
peace for them.
I
must admit I have struggled with being God’s instrument of peace in the
fragmented, divisive context of both today’s Church and society. I’m not
suggesting that it was ever easy, but in both realms we seem to have moved from
discussions and even debates about our disagreements into take-no-prisoners,
allow-no-compromise, my-way-or-the highway, binary thinking. I am often
inclined to respond with fact-checking and logic-challenging. As much as I try
to avoid direct arguing, I find I get sucked in too frequently. I recognize
that even these restrained responses do not seem to modify anyone’s positions.
The
Prayer of St. Francis challenges me with the realization that winning a debate
or silencing a disagreement does not bring God’s peace. Conversely, ignoring
destructive perspectives is not peace either. More and more I am recognizing
that I cannot impose peace on someone else, but I continue to struggle with peace
in my own heart as the conflicts of culture and Church disrupt closer
relationships of acquaintances, friends, and family. I am wrestling with how to
be at peace with my own conscience without becoming just another debater.
If
I was preaching a sermon or leading a retreat on how to become an instrument of
God’s peace, I would need some sort of takeaway, conclusion, or practical
application. That I don’t have. I don’t intend to leave you hanging, but I am
recognizing that I am going to be perpetually growing into this the rest of my
days.
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