Am I Ripening?

I was not quite 25 when I began my monthly prayer cycle through the Psalms. When I came to Psalm 25:7, “Do not remember the sins of my youth,” I naïvely thought I could leave the sins of my immaturity behind as I crossed this boundary into adulthood. Then on the 25^th of each month I would rehearse with God foolish things that now embarrass me. By the time I reached 40, when I finally felt I was recognized as a real adult, I had to come to terms with the persistence of my immaturity, so I mentally raised the age of “sins of my youth” to 40. Since then every month I feel this urge to raise the age when I should be past the sins of my youth. Later this week I will turn 76 and recognize the continuum of my life for three-quarters of a century. Since “retiring” from called pastorates in 2011, and becoming caregiver for my wife Candy on her Alzheimer’s journey in 2016, my focus is shifting from regrets over the past and longings to preserve my youth to pondering how to live out the life of Christ in intimacy with God on this homestretch of my life.

 Each month Psalm 71:9,18 and 92:12-14 nourish this pondering. “Do not cast me off in the time of old age; do not forsake me when my strength is spent. … Even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to all the generations to come. … The righteous flourish like the palm tree, and grow like a cedar in Lebanon. They are planted in the house of the Lord; they flourish in the courts of our God. In old age they still produce fruit; they are always green and full of sap.” The image of producing fruit in old age is very different from the energy of either youth or prime years. It speaks of ripening, which was the focus of Richard Rohr’s meditation yesterday from the Center for Action and Contemplation. A Ripening Mind and Heart — Center for Action and Contemplation (cac.org) I will be pondering this in greater depth for some time.